What every child wants us to know!

"I would if I could. If I don't, then I can't! So don't blame me, support me!"

Assume that each child does the best they can, given the situation that they are in, and the skills that they have. In times of difficulty, either scale down the demands, or increase the support. It is the adult's responsibility to change, not the child's. If we take this stance, we may not always be right, but we will never go wrong! Understand first, before changing behavior; and most of all do not blame the child. Change the conditions, lower the demands, provide better support, and teach greater skills. This puts the responsibility for change on the adult, not the child.

This is a premise that we have to remind ourselves every day, when tackling the challenges of autism. Because of the deep frustration, and our own feelings of inadequacy, when parenting/teaching these children, we often blame the child. I have done it, we all have done it. It comes at times when we feel incompetent in helping the child. Just like how it applies to the child, it also applies to us! "Assume WE are doing the best that we can, given the situation we are in, and the current skills that we have." Unfortunately, since we cannot change the demands, we have to (1) gain greater skills, and (2) increase the supports to help us out.


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