Three Step Social Reward! Celebrate Rather Than Praise!

Verbal praise is nice, but "Good job Johnnie" tends to go in one ear and out the other, with little excited reaction. There are a few reasons for this. One, words are fleeting, in and out quickly, and often do not stick. Two, the child is not actively involved in the reinforcement process (passively accepting the praise). Three, it is used ...so much that the praise loses it's enthusiasm, and becomes artificial.

It is more than twice as effective to "celebrate", rather than praise. We celebrate by using a three step social reward consisting of (1) "physical" contact in the form of "give five or ten", (2) "gesture" of approval using "thumbs up" and (3) verbal declarative statements like "Awesome!", "We rock!". In addition, the child is actively engaged in the reinforcing process. He is reinforcing you, as much as you reinforcing him. The reward is "reciprocal" rather then the child passively accepting praise. The art of "reciprocal reward", where the child is actively engaged in giving five, thumbs up, knuckles, etc. makes the social reward doubly effective. You are reinforcing each other, doing it together, celebrating and sharing the experience.

To further augment the "three step social celebration", use animated facial expressions, exaggerated gestures, and excited voice! Make it fun, exciting, and reciprocal, with the child actively reinforcing you, as you are him. Celebrate companionship, sharing the experience of doing it together. It will not just increase the desired behavior, but make the child feel "safe, accepted, and competent" relating with you.

I promise you, if you learn to "celebrate" rather than "praise" the child will not only seek you out, but joyfully follow your lead.

 

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